Bracing for Impact
I got to the point recently where I was done being scared. I realized I didn’t have nearly as much anger, frustration, and grief as I used to because it felt…futile. Like no matter how much I screamed, cried, put together thoughtful explanations, and engaged in grounded, open-minded discussion… people just didn’t want to face the music. And so we slept walked right into fascism.
This Charlie Kirk situation brought up a lot of anger for me again. Suddenly all these people who couldn’t be bothered to speak out about anything were coming out of the woodwork saying he didn’t deserve to die because, *checks notes* he was 31 and a Christian? And had a son?
The point of this isn’t a condemnation of reactions, it’s just context.
Because the interesting thing that has happened since he was killed is that suddenly people have realized we don’t actually have free speech and that maybe things are worse than they seem.
Am I disappointed it took a White former Fox & Friends host dying to reveal this? Yeah I am. It’s actually heartbreaking.
But that’s the situation we’re in now.
I stopped being angry and scared for a while because it got to a point where I was just bracing for impact. Intuitively I recognized the signs that we had gone too far with no objection from the mainstream, and I said to myself, “this is it. This is the path we chose”
We have a long road ahead of us, there’s no other way I can say it.
I saw someone post about how they were on a flight years ago that was almost certainly going down. The pilot decided to circle the air space for 4 hours to burn fuel just so they could crash without a huge cash explosion. That’s how certain the crash was.
The guy who was on that plane said that for hours, people were just silent. Hopeful even. Nobody said much or even reacted. They all just braced for impact.
It wasn’t until after they miraculously landed safely that everyone started crying, screaming, calling loved ones.
That is our survival mechanism in a nutshell. We brace for impact and then process the emotions once it’s safe to do so.
In my heart, I’m hoping that the people in denial have been woken up by Charlie Kirk’s death. I hope they see our own president and vice president calling for violence against the left, threatening to take passports away from anyone who didn’t publicly idolize him, and cancelling late night hosts one by one and think… this is really bad.
I have to have hope that people will begin to see past the propaganda and do exactly what they said after he died: “You can have different political opinions but it doesn’t mean they deserve to die”.
Is that true for everyone or just Charlie Kirk?
Because at this point we’re past the canary in the coal mine. We’re past the early signs of fascism. We’re past the comparisons between today and 1930’s Germany.
We’re in it. And judging by my own thoughts of should I be quieter? or or should I change my name online to share my opinions? (two things I always have said I’ll never do), it’s safe to say that it’ll only get harder to reach people as more time passes.
So whatever it takes to radicalize people, I’ll take it. Even if it makes me sad.
Because right now (or at least most days lol) I don’t really have the energy to fight about this anymore or try to change anyone’s mind. I only have room for “what the fuck are we gonna do” conversations. For organizing. And for having conversations with people who disagree with me who are starting to question things and are genuinely interested in my perspective.
I’ve done the work to understand yours, but every time I’m in one of these conversations it’s clear that the person I’m talking to actually has no idea what I believe. So I will always have space for these conversations and to answer difficult questions that I myself have also had to sit with for years in order to understand the depth of my own beliefs.
And in the meantime, I’m bracing for impact. And I’m grieving for the people in less privileged positions as me who are going to feel this the hardest. I will always always always fight for you first.